One of the PICU nurses came in and saw my husband on one side of her bed and me on the other both holding a hand each looking down at her – she got excited and said, “do you want a photo, this is a photo moment.” I looked at Craig and looked at her and said “no”, she was shocked, she said, “this is a beautiful photo though, you don’t want a picture of it? I wish you could see what I see!”, and I said, “it is a memory I will always keep in my mind, but I don’t want the other elements in the photo”, she was surprised, but to her she - sees it each day and of course it was not her child laying there, so for her she was used to it, but as a mom I wasn’t and would never be.
I will never forget the day I saw her right after her surgery with her chest open and the next 9 days after recovering, it is not how I choose to document the ordeal, her memory will live strong, but her present is what I choose to live in.
Now that we are over 2 weeks out from surgery, I look at her incision and cry; I am amazed at her resilience and strength. I see her surgery sweet spot and it brings a flood of emotion – of the day, of the event, of her life. I am going to share the one and only photo that I will take of her incision not for exploitation, but to show that my strength too has grown.
I love her so much!